Posts Tagged ‘staying and dealing’

My Achilles’ Heel

June 17, 2015

I work late into the night and sleep later in the mornings than people who get up to go to work. I am aware that many people would see this as being lazy. If I were a teenager or young adult, I would assume the same, so no offense is taken. But I am not young and I am not lazy. I am well into middle-age and I do all the housework, grocery shopping (my freedom for the week), cooking (from scratch with fresh ingredients with every attempt to provide a lot of variety), laundry, yard work (which includes landscaping and flowerbeds) and pet care (which takes a full two hours every morning and another hour in the evening). I put in a full day on top of the editing I do for hire and I usually only sleep for seven hours, although they aren’t the seven that society might deem appropriate.

I am a night owl by nature. I started working the night shift in a coffee shop as a teen (then got up to make breakfast and ready younger siblings for school before going myself), progressed to cocktail waitressing in bars that were open until the wee hours, then to after hours clubs. I spent a number of years working the graveyard shift at a global shipping company. I saw daylight so rarely that I often felt like a vampire. On the bright side, I am pretty much wrinkle and melanoma-free. I have continued to work late into the night because the house is still and quiet, and I don’t have Insignificant Other running in here every five minutes to break my concentration. I have tried locking the door, but having him either beating on it or picking the lock is no less distracting. Working in the wee hours is a common practice among writers and editors. Ask any of them. Some try to steal fifteen minutes of alone-time in a bathroom like closet smokers just to get a couple of sentences on paper.

IO works normal hours like the majority of other people in the U.S., so he is up and gone before I awaken. I have asked him a million (and one) times not to let the pets out until I am awake and can look out for them. I am way too aware of the harm that can come to them when no one is paying attention. It is from experience that I feel I’m being protective but not overly-cautious. I don’t want them out in the road, or soiling the neighbor’s lawn, or turning up missing as so many pets do in areas where dog-fighting is prevalent, or drinking unknown substances that other people leave contained in open buckets in their yards, or being picked up by animal control. They can run like wild heathens through my yard all day if they want, while I can see and hear them. And time and time again IO completely disregards my requests. Because we’ve had many arguments over the matter, I can only assume he does it deliberately. If I had a way to leave, and somewhere to go, I could never leave them behind. It would be like leaving little children to fend for themselves. And I could never put them in a shelter. Our local shelter won’t even take them, so it’s a Catch 22. My kind neighbor calls it my excuse for staying. It feels like victim shaming and it’s hurtful.

I woke up this morning and could not find two of my pets. I called and called and eventually panicked, and then got mad. IO happened to come home while I was looking for them and I asked him why he did it again!?!?!? And you know what he said?

“You let them out.”

I am so tired of his bullshit, I totally called him on it. I called him a liar and told him not to even try gaslighting me because I am on to him. And when he got in his truck to go, I told him not to come back. I hope to God he doesn’t. I only need to make it about nine more months, and then I think I can get free.